Dear Alex

To my sweet cousin,

(For a summary skip to the bottom ;-) )

Out of everyone, I know this death has been the hardest on you. Everyone else will feel sad for a few weeks but they'll move on, get back to their normal lives, and look back on the happy times. Frequently wishing that they could have created more memories with him to tell their children.

But for you, he was your life. He shared the last few years of memories with you; taking vacations with you, showing up to family functions, sleeping near you, there to make fun of or to beat everyone else at whatever video game you were playing, took the same classes, worked near you.. for you, getting back to "normal" isn't ever going to happen.

You have to start a whole new life and create a whole new set of what "normal" is. You're probably going to feel very alone, even with people by you. Because those people - even though they care and adore you, will never replace him. Nobody will ever be like him.

Eventually you'll start to move on, which will be hard at first because you'll feel like by making new friends and having a life again you're somehow cheating on him. Feeling like you're forgetting about him, but you wont forget him and it's ok to move on, to have fun, to smile without guilt.


I'm really sorry that you're going through this, it's such a tragic thing. I hope you know by now that it wasn't your fault, that you can't blame yourself for someone else's decisions.


I will always be here for you. What do I mean by I will always be here for you?

You can text me with your problems.
You can call me at 3a.m.
You can show up at the doorstep.
I will hold you if you need to cry.
Hug you if you don't.
I'll walk with you for hours until my legs fall off.
I will sit by you in silence if all you need is someone to fill the empty space so that you know you're not alone, even if you want to be alone with your thoughts.

I will be here for you.

I will always love you - to know what that means, look at my last post.

I wont try to replace your friend, I know that I can't. But I also know that it helps to just know that someone is there if you need them, that there's someone out there who cares enough to want to keep you alive.

You're a wonderful person, even if you don't feel like you are. You're smart, funny, apparently handsome ;-) , you have a lot of friends and a lot of people who care about you. You're transparent (at least with me) and you care about other people a lot, which shows.

I know this is long so I'll wrap it up :-)

So let me sum this up;

• No one will ever replace your best friend, it's going to be hard to start a new life. 

• I will always be here for you, even at 3a.m. 

• I will love you unconditionally, forever.

I know I've mentioned all of this before, but I feel like it's important for me to remind you, to let you know that even if you feel alone, you're not.

I hope that we both live long, happy lives. With little kids running around, and a huge list of accomplishments and "when I was your age.." stories to tell them.

And, I hope to have many more memories with you in them, things to laugh about and think back on about how stupid 'we were back then' haha.

I know that you know that I care. But I care more than you'll ever be able to imagine.

That's all for now :)

- Reese